‘I had a miscarriage at work and didn’t tell anyone’

I remember the moment like it was yesterday.
I was at work in a newsroom when I nipped to the bathroom where I found the telltale signs I was suffering another miscarriage.
“No, no, no,” I cried out quietly, careful not to alert anyone who might be in another stall.
I rushed back to my desk, mumbled something to my co-worker about needing a coffee and dashed out of the office to ring my husband and GP.
Then I went back to work.
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I didn’t tell anyone in my office what was happening that day. I got through the entire work day, marred by multiple trips to the bathroom to gauge what was going on, then went home.
It was not the first time this happened to me and was not the last.
I did end up disclosing to a senior female staff member about my fertility woes, including recurrent miscarriages.
But that day, I told no one.
More than 20 years after my experience, this is still the reality for many women who have suffered a miscarriage, but something Australia’s leading pregnancy loss support charity wants to change.
The Pink Elephants Support Network’s chief executive Samantha Payne said stories like mine, as difficult as they are to tell and to hear, were still too common.
“Twenty years later it still hasn’t changed, and it’s not OK,” Payne said.
“I can give you examples of women today.
“We are getting women presenting in boardrooms while they are miscarrying. We have got women going on work trips, who are still showing up because the trip was booked in.
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“We had [one woman] who found out the baby had no heartbeat. She didn’t have time to get a D&C before she went. It was booked for when she got back.
“So she went on the trip knowing she might miscarry while she was away and she did. Imagine being overseas without family support when that happens.”
Last week, The Pink Elephants Support Network released a report into the state of early pregnancy loss and fertility support in the workplace.
The report uncovered an urgent need for workplaces to formally support employees who are facing pregnancy loss and fertility problems, as well as some startling statistics.  
These include:
Here are some more stats:
Yet women going through miscarriage and fertility problems are still suffering in silence in the workplace.
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“There is still so much stigma around miscarriages,” Payne said.
“We need to normalise it and we need to normalise the grief that surrounds it.
“We need to have conversations at work and it needs to feel safe to have these conversations so people having a miscarriage can go home and not end up crying in a work toilet cubicle.”
Payne said education and raising awareness about miscarriage was the first step.
Unlike in the movies, a miscarriage doesn’t always happen quickly. Sometimes it takes days.
Nor does it always happen in a hospital or require some sort of surgical intervention.
Sometimes an ultrasound might detect a baby’s heart has stopped beating after which a woman could elect to have a procedure or wait.
Either way, Payne said too many women were feeling rushed to return to work, sometimes the very next day, without time to grieve.
Prior to the report’s release, 27 industry experts and medical professionals gathered for a round table discussion.
Among them was fertility specialist Dr Devora Lieberman, who specialises in recurrent miscarriage. 
“Fertility treatment can be taxing not only emotionally and physically, but also on time,” Dr Lieberman said. “The same is true for people experiencing miscarriage, particularly after a prolonged time to conception. 
“People may not feel comfortable disclosing reasons for absences from work for a number of reasons.
“Many feel it’s too personal. They may be concerned about shame or stigma.
“Others worry that admitting to trying to conceive may negatively impact them at work in terms of assignments or career advancement.” 
Payne wants employers and governments to do more to provide an effective framework of policies, support tools and resources so workers can be supported at one of their most vulnerable times. 
“We’re calling for reform and want to see every workplace in Australia meet the true needs of their employees,” Payne said.  
“Losing a baby affects women and their partners in many unseen ways, which is why we need to take the time to create inclusive policies that are clear and provide supportive return-to-work  environments free of shame and stigma.”
Payne said it also made good business sense for employers to tackle the problem, as a lack of support in the workplace led to lower participation and productivity among affected workers. 
If you or someone you know is struggling after being affected by pregnancy loss, contact Pink Elephants or SANDS Australia (1300 072 637) for support and information.